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Jock Dorm: David and Conner

David, the oldest boy in his family and a priest, has always been considered special. What his family doesn't know is that he's also lonely...probably because he's good at denying it, even to himself.

Then Conner, a good-looking, tough cop with a soft spot for David, shows up in his life. All of a sudden David is finding it hard to deny a lot of things, including just how much he wants Conner.

Bottom line up front:

Some very raunchy, squick inducing sex scenes involving a priest (only moderately as fun as nun pr0n), followed by some good, old fashioned woman bashing.

The rest:
No idea why this one is called Jock Dorm, other than one of the characters is a brother to a character in one of the other Jock Dorm books. One protag is a Roman Catholic priest, and the other is a homicide detective. No jocks or dorms involved here.

Be that as it may, David meets Conner at one of his outreach programs for traumatized Marines when Conner needs to question one of the residents about a gang homicide. The sparks fly, which causes David to have an existential/religious crisis and angst over possible familial rejection. Conner was worried about his grandparents too, but he was a big, tough ex-Marine, so oh well if they didn't accept his lover.

I've read several books by Michaels before, and I have to say that this one is the worst. The dialogue between the characters was alternatively painfully stilted and overly gushy (I LUFF YEW! Nuuuu, I luff yew moar!!!). The author took several detours from the book to bash the Bush Administration for their policies, as well as take a hammer to the Roman Catholic church for their views on gays. The entire first chapter read like a PSA for impeaching the former president and overthrowing the Pope.
Since the start of George Bush's war, we had been seeing more and more young males wandering the streets, lost in their own personal hells over what they saw or did in the war. Guys who'd been forgotten or ignored by Bush's Veterans Administration. They had become a special interest of mine. It truly angered me that our government could ask these men to risk their lives in a foreign misadventure, then forget them and refuse to help them when they came home damaged and injured.

“My problem with the church's stand is that I believe it is selfish.”

“What do you mean?” asked Henry.

“I believe that the church views marriage only as a means to procreation, because that's how they think they will fill pews. The more babies, the more 'pledging units.'”

“I think, if you look closely at history, you will find that the church has always been somewhat hypocritical and mercenary, because so has society, and the church—purely human institution that it is—is part of the society in which it exists.”

“Maybe it's time for humans to start growing up."
In addition to the political commentary, I wasn't a huge fan of the writing style. There was a great deal of 'This happened. And then this happened. And next, something else happened. Soon after, there was a consequence to all this happening.' How to manuals drive me bugnuts every time. If you're going to list everything singly, give it to me in bullet format next time.

1) Dude walked in the door.
2) Dude closed the door.
3) Dude called out for his bf.
4) Dude found bf nekkid on the bed, stroking off.

Saves time, yanno? Or you can actually tell me a story without delineating the individual steps in an awkward way that completely pulls me outta the story. Your choice.

As a priest, David is certainly not like any of the ones I knew growing up. He had a filthy mouth, and his favorite word was 'fuck'. He used it both in church and regular conversation. And in bed, of course. I don't know if I really bought his struggle, because easy solutions just automatically appeared every time he faced a dilemma. It was very teenaged/Twilight fantasy where the character gets everything he wants without having to make any sacrifices, and everyone who comes into contact with him instantly adores the heck out of him just because of his magnetic personality. David's thoughts were also invariably juvenile in tone.
The two of us lay there laughing for quite a while. It was like we were two little kids in that bed together. Like a sleepover, only it wouldn't end. So this is what it's like to really be with another guy. I really love this! For the first time, I'm really glad that God made me gay.

The sex scenes were typical Michaels: sweaty and sloppy and multi-orgasmic with jizz dripping from the walls and ceiling afterwards. For giggles, readers got introduced to two new joys- felching and snowballing. Not sure what those are? So Helpful Kitteh shall show you.
“Conner, I'm leaking,” I said, grinning at him.

He looked down and saw his cum sliding down my leg.

“Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it.”

Conner immediately knelt down and began licking up all his cum that was leaking from me. He started on my thigh but very quickly moved up to where he could suck and lick at my hole, getting all his cum that he could find. He then rose up, and grasping my shoulders in his hands, he turned me around so that we were once again facing each other. He held the back of my head with his hand and kissed me deeply. His tongue brushed my upper lip, and I immediately opened for him. Rather than his tongue, however, a large glob of ass-flavored cum flowed into my mouth.
Ummm...can he get a piece of toast to put that on, at least?

Another recurrent theme present in many of Michaels' work is maternal hatred. Many of his gay male characters were either raised by their fathers- with the mothers either dead or having run off and left her child behind- or were present in their lives as cold, manipulative, verbally abusive bitches. That theme is revisited here in the form of David's mother. David can't deal with the angst of having to tell his parents that he's gay and has left the Roman church, and goes into defensive mode. With the help of his brothers, they start cursing and screeching at their mother for their perception that she was forcing them to live their lives a certain way. Although he spent the proceeding 3/4 of the book going on and on about his love for the church and how much he enjoys being a priest, David suddenly decides that he only became a priest because his mom mentioned when he was twelve that it would be great if one of her sons was a priest.
“Because he had no other fucking choice, Mama!” Tony cut in.

“Tony! Such language!” Mama shouted at him.

“You'd better get used to it, Mama,” Vince said. “Because you seem to forget that we are all adults. We don't live by your rules or your standards. And we are sick and tired of you thinking that you can still run our lives. Well, we're not only adults, we're parents. And if you don't want to ever see your grandchildren again, just keep up what you're doing.”

“Boys! You can't mean that,” Papa said, pleadingly.

“I'm sorry, Papa. We do mean it,” Tony said.

“But why?” Papa asked.

“Because we warned her once! When she tried to pull this shit on Vince. And the day before he had to go into surgery! That is one selfish bitch of a move. And now she's trying to pull it again with David. You know, Papa. Vince and I have been doing a lot of talking. And we finally figured out that Mama doesn't love us at all! She only loves who she wants us to be. Well, Mama, we sure the fuck don't love you the way you are!” Tony was practically screaming by the time he finished.

Mama sat there crying.

“Don't waste the tears anymore, Mama. We're not buying them,” I said. “It's just another attempt at manipulation, and you damn well know it!”
It apparently escaped the three son's notice that while they were raging at their mother for emotionally manipulating them all their lives, they were doing the same to her. They pretty much told her that if she ever wanted to see her children or grandchildren, she had to fall in line with what they wanted.

Overall, I'd say skip this one and just go over to Nifty and read some the free fics he has posted there under the name RimPig. You can get all the crap above, plus pee drinking. Just pick over them carefully...I learned the hard way that alot of his free fics include Father/son incest and pedophilia, some involving kids as young as 8. Don't read anything with "Daddy" in the title. He aint talkin about sugar daddies!

However, if any of the above is your thing, get your copy here.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2010 06:46 pm (UTC)
I agree! I didn't read this book but I read some of his and they don't do it for me. The writing style is not the best and his comments are usually pretty cliché. Unfortunately.
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:06 pm (UTC)
This one had a very different tone, for some reason. I don't know if it was the Dragon Speak software that was used or what. But...don't think I'll be reading anything else by this author any time soon.
Jan. 17th, 2010 07:43 pm (UTC)
heh... i looked at that and said... oh dear god no.
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC)
you has to read it! there priests screaming "FUCK YEAH! EAT MY BUTT! I'M COMINNNNNGGGGGG!!!1!" and stuff. not to be missed *g*
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC)
I feel sick now. Thank you. : P

His tongue brushed my upper lip, and I immediately opened for him. Rather than his tongue, however, a large glob of ass-flavored cum flowed into my mouth.

This right here, I have no words. NO, just no.

And what IS ass flavored? I'm kind of thinking it's not like chocolate.
Jan. 17th, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
Dunno what ass flavor tastes like, but fairly sure there's brown bits involved. If you want to call them "chocolate", go right on ahead :)

And really, that was ONE part of one scene. I actually read 200+ pages of ass flavored ass, and other assorted ass flavored meats n fluids.
Jan. 20th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
Dead on review. Totally agree.
Jan. 21st, 2010 12:12 am (UTC)
it was fairly hideous. not taking one for the team next time, lol
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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